we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
