im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
