you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
