when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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