What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
