He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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