Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
