like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
