You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
