this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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