I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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