i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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