FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
