everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
