My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
