five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Are we still banned from the library?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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