We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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