does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
