So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
