But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
