I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
