please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
