Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
