so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
