I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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