i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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