this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
