areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
