your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You left your phone here
Wait...
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