She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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