forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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