is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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