hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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