Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
