I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
