I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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