Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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