i permit you to call me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
two words...techno handjob
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
