Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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