I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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