I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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