I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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