The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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