Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
