This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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