Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
