I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
