bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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