All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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