fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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