man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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