Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
