How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
