mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
