Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
where are my eyebrows?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
