I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
