You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Threesome in a minivan. New low
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
