Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Boobs are out for the taking
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
