he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
