I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
