Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
birth control should be required to get into college
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
