Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
