Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
