Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
