Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
