so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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