I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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