you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
