The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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