i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
