those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
