would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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