We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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