I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize